Hopelessly #GranolaMennonite
“The transformation of waste is perhaps the oldest preoccupation of man.”
–Patti Smith
My husband often makes me laugh. He knows how to puncture pretense — his own, mine, and others.
But he is at his most hilarious when he is just being himself.
Like three weeks ago, for example, when he put the item below in the mail. When I first saw it, I laughed because it was so pathetic looking. Then I thought about it. I could count at least eight ways this one item shows how #granolaMennonite he is. He’s neither proud nor ashamed. This is just how he is.
The handwriting is hard to decipher because he lost half his right thumb as a twelve-year-old farmer boy. That’s not funny, of course, but the handwriting that resulted, and his artwork (Pictionary or Telestrations, anyone?) can put the whole family into paroxysms of laughter.
The envelope that made me laugh
So what makes this item quintessentially #granolaMennonite?
- You can see that the envelope itself came from a Mennonite organization in Kansas. It might have been a fundraising insert in another letter sent to us. It was far too good to throw out! (We do not own a box of plain business envelopes. Stuart always has enough of this kind.)
- By sending the letter to a second Mennonite organization, Everence, the envelope is a little gift from one to the other.
- The stamps were purchased in many denominations at the Post Office. Having many varieties allows us to select the exact amount instead of guessing and overspending or underspending. The result is an bizarro collection of indigenous-made turquoise jewelry, hummingbird, flower, Tiffany lamp, and George Washington.
- The return address was one of those unrequested free stamps used by some charity to try to guilt us into giving. The butterflies on the left pair well with the hummingbird on the right.
- Stuart blacked out the word “Mr.” Why, I asked. “Because it’s not needed,” said he. Ever the editor.
- Inside the envelope was a form that verifies we are members of our local fitness center, and that we use the center regularly. Stuart’s daily step count is over 10,000 and mine is over 7,000. To prove this, we printed out our iPhone statistics. On recycled paper, of course.
- Assuming the U.S. Postal service delivers this lovely piece of mail, we should get a discount on the amount we pay for supplemental health insurance.
- The discount might buy a meal from a local farm-to-table restaurant, or it might end up in the offering plate — keeping the cycle going.
Apart from an occasional classic like the envelope above, neither Stuart nor I qualify as total #granolaMennonites. Our savings, repurposing, and creative re-use constitute hundreds of very small steps that have accumulated over time. The Amish, who live off the grid, eschewing both cars and buttons and zippers, have created the gold standard for Anabaptist frugality. A certain number of our Mennonite friends not only have solar panels on their houses, they have chickens in their back yards. Having grown up on farms, we were never tempted to raise chickens. Or banty roosters, capons, or turkeys!
Last week I read a delightful book by Kirsten Eve Beachy, Martyrs and Chickens: Confessions of a Granola Mennonite. The final chapter of this book is called “Simple” and offers a scorecard of pluses and minuses for foods, gifts, tithing, housing, and employment. You don’t have to be a Mennonite to enjoy the humor in this taxonomy, and if you are seriously frugal, you might rank higher than many, if not most, Mennonites.
The title of the book, combining martyrs with chickens, hints at the many arresting juxtapositions found from beginning to end. The author takes us on a tour of her Mennonite life from the the “corn day” on a visit to her husband’s childhood farm to the dreams the young couple has for their own lives. There’s passion in her voice as she describes her desire to be a writer closely tied to land: “I want to join the young green wood of my life to old wood, to build something sturdy, something that holds up over time.” Hence the martyrs, the chickens, and eventually, after a struggle with infertility, the twin daughters, one of whom was born with Down Syndrome.
Frankly, I wasn’t sure I would like a book with this title, but I found myself admiring the author’s honesty, grit, and determination to craft her own kind of life, connected to family and faith, but not determined by them. The voice is quiet on the surface but fierce underneath. The humor bites your ankles as you recognize both satire and praise song.
Just after I finished the book, I discovered that the author was recently on national television, along with her two daughters. She was advocating for research on Alzheimers and Down Syndrome. Listen to the combination of lilt and chisel in her voice. I hope it makes you want to read her book.
What frugal habits do you have? Are you proud of them or ashamed of them?
Are any of them humorous? Maybe you too are some version of #GranolaMennonite.
I’m reading, and enjoying, the book now. I heard the author recently at EMU’s Writers Read. Although a life long Mennonite, other than a bag of bags, I’m afraid I am not a Granola Mennonite. I don’t even like granola! Thanks for your comments.
You made me laugh, Roveen. Thanks for this great reply. I don’t care for most granola either, but the recipe in the book looks tempting. Lots of peanut butter and honey. How could that go wrong?
I loved that book, and meeting Kristen at the Mennonite/s writing conference, and hearing her read, was an added blessing. I did not pass the Granola Mennonite test, and can’t remember why now. Maybe because I don’t have chickens? I also love carob, which put me at odds with others at the conference when Kristen surveyed us.
Though he’s Quaker, my husband does the exact same thing with envelopes as your husband: saving resources, he says, by using envelopes we receive from other organizations to send in bills. My kids call him “Cheapy McTaco,” and sometimes his resource-saving can be an irritation (we have enough napkins in our car console to last several lifetimes) but there is something to admire in this commitment to recycling.
Thanks for sharing, Shirley!
Cheapy McTaco. Ha! Thanks for another good laugh. Yes, the book is excellent! It truly becomes a memoir even though it is a series of essays. I didn’t have time to go into a deep reflection on why it works so well, but I hope this blog will get a few more people interested in the book.
Shirley – still going after all these years!! Thanks for keeping the anabaptist history going – I knew Pennsylvania was an important refuge in colonial times for religious freedom, but am gradually filling in bits and pieces of that history thanks to educational pieces such as yours. I hope my inbox keeps serving me great articles like this one. Jerry
Jerry! So good to see you here. Thanks for letting me know of your interest. We would have a lot to talk about. I am going to go check out what you are writing about these days too.
Although I’m no longer Mennonite, I’m stamped with the Mennonite propensity to save, recycle, and re-purpose. (With envelopes, I draw the line, Stuart!) Thank for sharing your personal anecdotes and the link to Kirsten Beachy’s book. I also enjoyed the video: Little Sallie is adorable, and her mom, a brave soul to speak out so eloquently.
What frugal habits do I have? Like Roveen, I have a bag of plastic bags, which I recycle often. If a restaurant gives us foam boxes for leftovers, I take them to a grocery store, which recycles them. In our city, trash is picked up weekly: I usually have 2 bags or less. The city recycling bin is often almost full, of which I am proud.
I can hear Mother say, “Outen the light” and Grandma Longenecker say, “Close the door!” in all seasons. Automatically, I turn out lights when I leave a room. I’m not a #GranolaMennonite but I will always be an #ImprintedMennonite.
Marian, I love #ImprintedMennonite as a hash tag. Stuart has just taken our weekly trash to the curb. Like you, we try not to exceed one bag/week and recycle everything we can.
So glad you watched the video. I too was very impressed. Such poise. Such love.
I admit to being kind of a granola Menno, but I draw the line at chickens in the back yard. Chickens belong the barn yard and we live in a town that forbids chickens. I am forever turning lights out that others leave on and repeating my Dad’s phrase, “Shut the door, gappy!” I wash and reuse plastic bags, mend and repair clothing, serve “scraps” (leftovers) for meals, but my husband told me the first year we were married not to bother to darn his holey socks!
Sarah, I’m glad you draw the line at darning and chickens. But I’m also glad that you maintain so many frugal traditions from your past. I keep a mental tab on the various items in our fridge and like to see how many creative ways I can repurpose one meal into another. We just made corn fritters (recipe in the NYTimes) from leftover roasting ears. So good! Oh yes to lights and doors, also. Never heard the phrase “gappy,” however. Perhaps your dad invented it?
Love it! — Stuart’s letter and Kirsten’s quiet passion, especially her advocacy for her daughter. So nice to see her at the recent Menno conference. (And you too, of course!)
Thank you, Dora. It was wonderful to see both you and Kirsten at the conference. I loved your presentation also. So many good things to think about and relationships to treasure after every conference.
Like Stuart, Hardy recycled envelopes, in fact he recycled most everything! But his handwriting wasn’t great, even though no thumbs or fingers were missing. Being a stamp collector and a perfectionist, he wasn’t missing fussy about how letters were handled. That was actually one of our first arguments after we got married, but we got over it!
Both fussy and frugal. That’s a combo that could spark an argument, especially between newlyweds! I keep getting more clarity in the pictures you paint of Hardy. I am glad this post gave you another reason to write his name. It was so good to hug you in person at the conference after all these years of reading each others’ blog posts.
Correction: He was fussy about how letters were handled!